Hello again House ofBennetts Readers! While our good pals are off getting married in the mountains, we are back for your entertainment. So here goes nothing…
I could have take this last opportunity on House of Bennetts to
implore you to check out our blog, check all the
fun links, follow us on
Twitter,
Instagram, and
Bloglovin’ – but don’t worry, I won’t do that.
Instead, I wanted to take a chance to talk about something that I think many of
face as we age… cutting ties with friends that no long “suit” us.
Eekk! You’re thinking – geesh! This girl is harsh! But hear
me out – as we grow older, most of us grow up a bit. I’m not saying that I’m
not still irresponsible at times or that I no longer enjoy rocking out to B.
Spears in the car (I am and I do!) but sadly, I believe it is a cold hard fact
that we can grow apart from our friends.
I’ve found myself dealing with this situation more recently as I grow older and
it’s hard. Really hard. In real life, it isn’t always as easy as drawing Jane +
Jill = BFF all over your folders! You have to deal with bills, relationships,
life choices, and yes, even personal viewpoints over what a “friend” should be.
The definition of “friendship” varies between people. If you
think having a “friend” means having someone that you can bitch to about your
life 24/7 without ever having to return the favor, but your “friend” disagrees
– well that is a relationship heading for a disaster. On the other hand, if you
and your friend share similar values in friendship, chances are, you’ll have a
shot at actually being BFF.
Sadly, we don’t all have those same definitions. As recently
as this past summer, I really had to look at the people I was surrounding
myself with and make some tough choices about our “friendships.” If I found
that they were more emotionally draining than rewarding (and had been that way
for quite a while) I started to consider “phasing-out” that friend. Does that
sound harsh? I hope not. But maybe it does…
For example, I had a friend who always had some
insane drama in her life. She seriously called often to tell me she was in the
hospital, or that a family member was, or that she had just been robbed at gun
point, or that she had just used CPR to save her elderly neighbor, or that a
friend’s ex-husband just beat her with a pipe (not making this up.) As always,
I would be very concerned and drive to the hospital, or scene of the robbery or
assault but would always be told that “she had handled” the problem and would
see me later. After 3 years and just as many resuscitated neighbors, I began to
understand that my friend had a problem with compulsive lying. I tried my best
to get her help. Really, I did. I explored every channel available to me to no
avail. So after a while, I just had to kind of…well, let go. It was hard. But I
know I feel better without dealing with that kind of self-created drama and I
hope that without someone to listen to it all, she doesn’t feel as much of a need
to create it.
I’ve also been the friend that was “let go.” Right after
Adam and I moved in together, my very best friend started to ignore me. It went
on for weeks until I woke up one day to find that she had blocked me on
Facebook. I decided to just let it go, confident that what needed to happen,
would happen. About four months later, she contacted me and wanted to go to
dinner. She told me point blank that she couldn’t be friends with someone who
was “so happy” in a relationship at that time because she was going through a
rough patch with the men in her dating life. She said we could be friends again
so long as I never spoke about Adam and never made her be around him. I
politely declined because to me, to be a friend is to rejoice in the ups of
others as well as hold their hand in the downs.
I guess what I’m saying is this – sometimes we have to make
tough decisions in order to move forward with our own lives in the way that is
most beneficial to our own health and sanity. It’s never easy or pretty, but it
is sometimes completely necessary.
What’s your definition of friendship? Have you ever had to
“cut one loose” so to speak?
I've really enjoyed spending some time with you all this week!
*Message from Treana: BIG BIG thank you to Kate for stepping up to chat with you wonderful people while I am away. She rocks the socks... all of them. Stay tuned for a special wedding day post tomorrow morning!
