The "Florkens" on Cutting Friends Loose

Hello again House ofBennetts Readers! While our good pals are off getting married in the mountains, we are back for your entertainment. So here goes nothing…
I could have take this last opportunity on House of Bennetts to implore you to check out our blog, check all the fun links, follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Bloglovin’ – but don’t worry, I won’t do that. Instead, I wanted to take a chance to talk about something that I think many of face as we age… cutting ties with friends that no long “suit” us.

Eekk! You’re thinking – geesh! This girl is harsh! But hear me out – as we grow older, most of us grow up a bit. I’m not saying that I’m not still irresponsible at times or that I no longer enjoy rocking out to B. Spears in the car (I am and I do!) but sadly, I believe it is a cold hard fact that we can grow apart from our friends.

I’ve found myself dealing with this situation more recently as I grow older and it’s hard. Really hard. In real life, it isn’t always as easy as drawing Jane + Jill = BFF all over your folders! You have to deal with bills, relationships, life choices, and yes, even personal viewpoints over what a “friend” should be.

The definition of “friendship” varies between people. If you think having a “friend” means having someone that you can bitch to about your life 24/7 without ever having to return the favor, but your “friend” disagrees – well that is a relationship heading for a disaster. On the other hand, if you and your friend share similar values in friendship, chances are, you’ll have a shot at actually being BFF.

Sadly, we don’t all have those same definitions. As recently as this past summer, I really had to look at the people I was surrounding myself with and make some tough choices about our “friendships.” If I found that they were more emotionally draining than rewarding (and had been that way for quite a while) I started to consider “phasing-out” that friend. Does that sound harsh? I hope not. But maybe it does…

For example, I had a friend who always had some insane drama in her life. She seriously called often to tell me she was in the hospital, or that a family member was, or that she had just been robbed at gun point, or that she had just used CPR to save her elderly neighbor, or that a friend’s ex-husband just beat her with a pipe (not making this up.) As always, I would be very concerned and drive to the hospital, or scene of the robbery or assault but would always be told that “she had handled” the problem and would see me later. After 3 years and just as many resuscitated neighbors, I began to understand that my friend had a problem with compulsive lying. I tried my best to get her help. Really, I did. I explored every channel available to me to no avail. So after a while, I just had to kind of…well, let go. It was hard. But I know I feel better without dealing with that kind of self-created drama and I hope that without someone to listen to it all, she doesn’t feel as much of a need to create it.

I’ve also been the friend that was “let go.” Right after Adam and I moved in together, my very best friend started to ignore me. It went on for weeks until I woke up one day to find that she had blocked me on Facebook. I decided to just let it go, confident that what needed to happen, would happen. About four months later, she contacted me and wanted to go to dinner. She told me point blank that she couldn’t be friends with someone who was “so happy” in a relationship at that time because she was going through a rough patch with the men in her dating life. She said we could be friends again so long as I never spoke about Adam and never made her be around him. I politely declined because to me, to be a friend is to rejoice in the ups of others as well as hold their hand in the downs.

I guess what I’m saying is this – sometimes we have to make tough decisions in order to move forward with our own lives in the way that is most beneficial to our own health and sanity. It’s never easy or pretty, but it is sometimes completely necessary.

What’s your definition of friendship? Have you ever had to “cut one loose” so to speak?

I've really enjoyed spending some time with you all this week!

*Message from Treana: BIG BIG thank you to Kate for stepping up to chat with you wonderful people while I am away. She rocks the socks... all of them. Stay tuned for a special wedding day post tomorrow morning! 


Blogiversary: 2 Years

This blog is now 2 years old. Woah. In honor of House of Bennetts' big birthday, we're gonna take a little a trip (take a litle trip with meeeeee... the song... anyone?) down memory lane, stopping at some of my favorite posts and some historically important ones. Buckle up kids, it's gonna be fun. May 28, 2012: My First Post

Highlights: I was working at a firm for the summer feeling like this whole law school thing was going to work out. I made crazy promises about updating on a weekly basis.

Many people don’t even recognize that they are constantly transitioning into the next phase of life and are surprised when they look around and ask themselves the age old question: How did I get here??? and simply do not have an answer in reply. It is my hope to make myself more aware of my transitions as they happen and also to make sure that I am honest as those things are happening.

July 14, 2012: Panic at the Disco

Highlights: One of my most honest posts about where I struggle with my type A, worrier self.  Just re-reading this makes me see how much I have grown in my relationship with LB and my friends.

This record, unfortunately, is not set to the tune of disco music. The record sounds much more like this: “You decided to go to law school because you want to prove something to everyone else and now you are in $200K worth of debt; you really think you are ready to get married… are you sure you don’t want to “see what’s out there”; your skin is awful; you have no money and no financial security; you have no family; you cycle through friends like you cycle through sunglasses; you, pretty much, should just freak out right about now.”

July 25, 2012: Chore Chart for Adults

Highlights: Legit my second most popular post ever. Looking at the lack of graphics and terrible font now just make me embarassed. I should probably fix this post sometime.

Update: introduced the chart to LB last night and it spawned a most interesting discussion. A few of the memorable quotes were: “You thrive under structure, and I hate it.”

October 16, 2012: ENGAGED!

Highlights: DUH! We got engaged!

IMG_1489(1) IMG_1509 IMG_1652(1)

October 18, 2012: Eulogy to my Brother

Highlights: 5 days after LB and I got engaged, my brother was hit and killed while riding his bike home from work. I posted the eulogy that I read at his funeral.

I am sorry that I could not be there for you during your dark times. It just hurt me so much to see you suffer through things in ways that I could not understand. For sure, we made different choices to deal with our pain, but I knew deep down that you were always trying to do better. Better for yourself. Better for your son. And, whether you knew it or not, better for me. I am sorry that I had to disconnect to break the cycle and part of disconnecting the cycle meant disconnecting with you. I am sorry that when I thought about you, I did not reach out… I always thought I would have more time to do that or that you would do it first… you always had to be first… except in playing HORSE—I was so much better at basketball than you.

November 16, 2012: Thank You List to LB

Highlights: A list of some of things that I love about Mr. LB.

He doesn’t judge my grief–like the fact that I was up until 3:30am last night watching Dawson’s Creek because I could not sleep.

He rolls over and snuggles me every single morning before he gets out bed.

November 20, 2012: I got my Dream Job!

Highlights: I got the best phone call of my life!

I am so grateful and overwhelmed by the fact that over a thousand people competed for this job nationwide and I got it. They picked me. They believed in me and are giving me a chance to shine. It just doesn’t seem real and I don’t know when it will. I really feel relief and gratefulness. Sheer gratefulness.

March 8, 2013: Will you be my flower girl?

Highlights: My third most popular post ever & my first posting on projects for the wedding.

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Letter to BM, pictures of wedding inspiration, a "your role" handout, and a list of "my girls" with an explanation about each of them.

May 23, 2013I graduated from law school!

Highlights: I did it y'all.

I am a badass. I can take any task and not only conquer it, but excel at it. Things that have seemed impossible to master (securities law???) have been tackled, owned, and learned. That is a pretty powerful feeling.

August 26, 2013: Then I started my job!

Highlights: I started earning a paycheck!

 I am feeling so incredibly blessed. I spent three hours going through orientation this morning and the broad range of federal and agency benefits. I AM IN AWE. Working for the government certainly has its perks.

October 8, 2013: Thoughts on Rest

Highlights: I blogged a lot around this time about needing to rest and to stop. Some of my more honest posts for sure.

No matter what awaits for us, we cut it off. We walk away and leave things as they are because they will still be there when we return. We can’t solve it all right now/right away. It’s impossible– and if we wait for it all to be perfect, then we will never live peacefully.

October 26, 2013: Dear Sugar Printable

Highlights: I created this printable that is still in my office at work and in a frame in LB and I's room. My favorite dear sugar quote? "Eight of the ten things you have decided about yourself, will over time prove to be false."

For my very first ever book club, we read Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strand. She is incredible. This book is incredible. I recommend that everyone from every walk of life read it and love it immediately.

December 12, 2013: Then We Bought A HOUSE!

Highlights: I am so glad that I have this photo of our house pending... what a great adventure we were starting.


December 30, 2013: Work Life Balan... Chaos.

Highlights: I sent this email to a friend of mine and shared it with y'all.

But in the end, I know that I made my choice for a LIFE and I’d make that choice EVERYDAY forever and ever (AMEN). So yes, it might bother you if people give you shit for working part time or changing jobs again, but don’t apologize for living your truth. We’re too damn old for that horseshit.

January 28, 2014: Before Tour House Post

Highlights: We got the before pictures and shared them here. LOOK AT ALL THE POO BROWN!

February 10, 2014Rustoleum Countertop DIY

Highlights: I never would have guessed that this would be our most popular post ever, but after a comment on, over 1,000 people in one day came to check out our countertops.  


Rustoleum Countertops DIY

April 10, 2014Painting a Metal Front Door

Highlights: A post that is growing by the day! People love paint! 


Painting a Metal Front Door

May 1, 2014Free Budget Spreadsheet & Advice

Highlights: The post I am the proudest of because I put it off forever and spent the most time on it.

 If you are married or thinking about getting married, it is the number one thing that I recommend you do with your spouse. Period. The course basically teaches you Dave Ramsey’s way of doing things and it saved LB and I’s financial and marital lives. I received the following spreadsheet from my FPU leader and have made some tweaks since receiving it. Go ahead and download the blank one and click around on it a little bit.

May 2, 2014Current House Tour & DIY Project Page

Highlights: I finally got the whole "pages" thing figured out and created a page with a current house tour -- it has to-do lists! I also finally created a table with all of our DIY projects. I use the DIY page the most when looking for something to share on other link parties/blogs.

Whole House Tour

May 25, 2014Link Party!

Highlights: Our first LINK Party! 


Let me finish this up by saying that I am so grateful for each and every person that reads this blog. Whether you are an "in person" friend of the House of Bennetts or a virtual friend just made through this blog, YOU ARE SUPER APPRECIATED!