Eekk! You’re thinking – geesh! This girl is harsh! But hear me out – as we grow older, most of us grow up a bit. I’m not saying that I’m not still irresponsible at times or that I no longer enjoy rocking out to B. Spears in the car (I am and I do!) but sadly, I believe it is a cold hard fact that we can grow apart from our friends.
The definition of “friendship” varies between people. If you think having a “friend” means having someone that you can bitch to about your life 24/7 without ever having to return the favor, but your “friend” disagrees – well that is a relationship heading for a disaster. On the other hand, if you and your friend share similar values in friendship, chances are, you’ll have a shot at actually being BFF.
Sadly, we don’t all have those same definitions. As recently as this past summer, I really had to look at the people I was surrounding myself with and make some tough choices about our “friendships.” If I found that they were more emotionally draining than rewarding (and had been that way for quite a while) I started to consider “phasing-out” that friend. Does that sound harsh? I hope not. But maybe it does…
For example, I had a friend who always had some insane drama in her life. She seriously called often to tell me she was in the hospital, or that a family member was, or that she had just been robbed at gun point, or that she had just used CPR to save her elderly neighbor, or that a friend’s ex-husband just beat her with a pipe (not making this up.) As always, I would be very concerned and drive to the hospital, or scene of the robbery or assault but would always be told that “she had handled” the problem and would see me later. After 3 years and just as many resuscitated neighbors, I began to understand that my friend had a problem with compulsive lying. I tried my best to get her help. Really, I did. I explored every channel available to me to no avail. So after a while, I just had to kind of…well, let go. It was hard. But I know I feel better without dealing with that kind of self-created drama and I hope that without someone to listen to it all, she doesn’t feel as much of a need to create it.
I guess what I’m saying is this – sometimes we have to make tough decisions in order to move forward with our own lives in the way that is most beneficial to our own health and sanity. It’s never easy or pretty, but it is sometimes completely necessary.
What’s your definition of friendship? Have you ever had to “cut one loose” so to speak?
I've really enjoyed spending some time with you all this week!
*Message from Treana: BIG BIG thank you to Kate for stepping up to chat with you wonderful people while I am away. She rocks the socks... all of them. Stay tuned for a special wedding day post tomorrow morning!