At this time when I am very much down and in the throws of grief, it is ironic that I feel the need to keep a gratitude journal. So, first things first: I am grateful for my ability to forgive and love. This past weekend was a time of first steps away from some relationships and towards some others. It is incredible to me that after not speaking to Monica for over 10 years that I did and the world did not implode. I am still nervous about the trajectory of this relationship, but am okay not knowing what it is going to look like down the road. The reason I am okay with this is because I have lived my whole life without her--it was hard... so hard... but I did it.

I also recognize that forgiveness and being able to heal the relationship is entirely different from trust and believing that she will show up. I keep this in mind to protect my capacity to forgive and to love. The thing I am most grateful for today.