My Eulogy to My Brother

This is what I read to my brother at his funeral today. Hi Everyone. I am Treana and Trenton was my only full brother. But he was more than that for me growing up: he was my best friend and the only person who really understood the pain that just being in our family can cause sometimes. So, if you don’t mind, I am just going to talk to my brother for a minute.

Hey buddy Trent. It’s your annoying little sister and I am up here crying like a baby. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I am a little annoyed at you actually for being all the way up there when I feel like there is so much I never got to say to you. But since you never did do things the easy way, I guess I am just going to have to tell you these things like this. First of all, I understand.

I understand your secret love for WWF (we were fans in the 90s) because I understand the joy that throwing that silly Ultimate Warrior doll around with me gave you. I understand and accept that even though I am mere months away from being an attorney, that you are smarter than me.  Yeah, bet you never thought I’d finally relinquish that one. And bro, I understand the pain that being abandoned by both parents caused us. We lived that together, just us.  All we had for so many years was each other. I also understand your anger, not because I necessarily felt the anger in the same way, but because we had so much to be angry about.  You somehow were angry enough for the both of us… imagine that… you… overdoing it. J

Second of all… I am sorry. I am sorry that I cracked the cheat codes to Super Mario World so that I didn’t need you to help me defeat Bowser anymore.  I am sorry that I could not be there for you during your dark times. It just hurt me so much to see you suffer through things in ways that I could not understand. For sure, we made different choices to deal with our pain, but I knew deep down that you were always trying to do better. Better for yourself. Better for your son. And, whether you knew it or not, better for me. I am sorry that I had to disconnect to break the cycle and part of disconnecting the cycle meant disconnecting with you. I am sorry that when I thought about you, I did not reach out… I always thought I would have more time to do that or that you would do it first… you always had to be first… except in playing HORSE—I was so much better at basketball than you.

And finally, I need you to know that I loved you everyday. You were my brother, my best friend, and you fought so many battles for me so that I could skip over them to build a life that you could be proud of.

To the rest of you, I say “Thank you for loving my brother and buckle up.” We all now get the great joy and responsibility to look after Robert.  The phrase, It’s what Trent would have wanted, gets thrown around a lot these days, but I know this for sure: The only thing that Trent would have wanted absolutely, was to know that Robert was taken care of.

Trent and I knew better than most that sometimes you pick your family and sometimes your family picks you.  Well, Mr. Robert, you are stuck with us now because through our love for your dad, we have all loved you in some way. In return, I just ask that you do things in your life to honor the best parts of your dad—the good parts—because he was so good.

I love you bro.