Things I am Not Good At
/Our friends, The "Florkens", just did a "Things I am Not Good At" post. Thus, in the name of honoring vulnerability (plus, acknowledging that we've been slacking on house updates lately), here is a list of things that I am not good at.
1. Patience.
2. Tempering my expectations for things when they need to be tempered.
3. Somehow, after almost 30 29 years on this planet, I still expect people in my birth family to show up and be different than they are. To be loving and trustworthy. To follow through. To care.
4. Self-esteem. I get waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down low on myself on a semi-regular basis. And I need constant verbal reassurance from LB in all aspects of this... that's tough for him.
5. Patience.
6. Sticking to a schedule where I get up early in the morning or get up on time at all. (I am a twice-ish each morning snooze button-er).
7. Separating my "needs" to do or buys from my "wants" to do or buys. Mostly when it comes to the house. Example: we need to pressure wash the house and get out there and paint the siding. BUT I want to do the following things in the following order: paint our bedroom, get new nightstands, paint the black dresser in there, take out the side and backyard trees, knock down the wall between the kitchen and living room, and do crown molding throughout the first floor. So.... not much.
8. Patience.
9. Relaxing... any sort of list means I am a failure. Let me elaborate: if something can get done RIGHT NOW, then it should be done RIGHT NOW. What if we forget about it? What if we just NEVER do it because we didn't get it done right now. I love lists because I get them done, but I hate that I always feel bad for relaxing.
10. Failing at my vows: I told LB that I promise to remember that his basic intention is to be a decent and loving husband even when he is not doing so. I fail at this on a daily basis.
11. Staying on top of laundry. I hate doing it... maybe re-doing the laundry room will help...
12. Recovering when my feelings are hurt... it takes me a beat y'all. Sometimes two.
13. Letting go of the guilt when I don't see or hang out with friends for a long time. I find that I continually make plans with friends to avoid feeling like I let them down by not seeing them. And with others, I will reach out and reach out and reach out only to have them turn around and complain that we never hang out. Even in the midst of these facts, I still feel guilty. I hate disapointing people.
14. Not being able to control other people and their lives really sucks sometimes and I find myself ruminating on it.
15. Putting things back where I found them.
16. House envy. Enough said.
17. Patience.
18. Being faithful with my faith. Working at it and prioritizing my spiritual life is a constant grind for me EVEN THOUGH I know that when I journal and pray and meditate and do yoga, I AM BETTER. A better wife, human, friend. A better Treana.
19. Saying no to LB about money stuff. When he wants to do something financially that I know isn't best for us, it is hard for me to say no.
20. Spending less than $300 a month eating out. I suck at that. Always have.
So those are some things I SUCK at. I am working on them, sure. But some of them just are who I am, how I am built. So, what about you? You perfect bloggers you. What do you struggle with?
