I originally posted this on October 13, 2013. Man oh man were those Beatles on to something and so was I apparently. I frequently have said, "Let go, and let God," and yet I find that I am continually working on the art of just letting it be. Of shutting it off. And as I start reading "The Sabbath" (courtesy of Vanessa's recommendation), I am already feeling a conviction in my BONES that I have to say no more often. No, I don't have time to do that. No, this is my time of rest. No, I have to do laundry (even though Skipper has eaten 20 (2-0) pairs of my underwear in the last week, I still have other clothes that need washing). And most importantly for me at this busy time, no, because I simply don't want to.
I simply want to sit and be with LB or myself without distraction and without apology. Peek does this incredibly well and not even once have I been butt hurt over her not coming to something (to be fair, 99% of the time she shows up). So even though I don't get upset at others when they dont show up, I find that I sometimes show up out of straight up guilt/obligation. Of course, I end up having a great/fine/fun/wonderful time once I get there, but then I haven't rested. I haven't just sat with myself. And this whole waking up at 5 am nonsense demands rest.
We've been conditioned, well at least I have, to think that we have to be busy to be _________ (fill in the blank: happy, successful, loved, needed...). But it's crap. It's absolute and total crap. I firmly believe that the way I was made is enough, crazy flaws and all. I am enough, I have enough.