Every week three of my girlfriends and I get together to watch the bachelorette or the bachelor. Now that Des' "Journey to find love" is over we have been rewatching Girls. This week we did what we have always tried not to do the whole time because then we would never get through the show: talk. About everything. About our truths. Our past conflicts with each other, with our spouses, with life. Our thoughts on race and educational equality. Our loooooove of all things food related (even birthday Oreos). And yet, even when I keep the Oreos in the equation, my biggest take away was how convicted I felt; how many changes I still needed to work on for me to be a more loving and giving person to LB and to my friends.
My natural tendency is to be selfish, it's just there. But I also hate to hurt people so I must stop being selfish. It really is that simple.
However, Selfishness in my life shows up by trying to win with LB. By trying to defeat his position in an argument. When I asked one of my girlfriends what it feels like when her husband does this to her she said, "It makes me feel small, like I don't matter, that I'm not heard and that my feelings, because they are not logical sometimes, are not important." Boom. Lightbulb moment. So when I came home and rested on it and told LB that I was going to work at that he said, "Thank you."
My friend was able to articulate how LB felt in a way that I could hear and this is why my friend group is amazing and diverse. Because I am constantly, ever and always, changing, and learning from these brilliant souls.
Ashley and I were also able to talk about our falling out that happened and we recovered from 4 years ago. The details are not important here, but what struck me was that she needed a sincere apology and when I was ready to give one, we moved on. The other take away was that friend 3 then said, "sometimes I'm afraid you might do that to me." Boom. Lightbulb. I want to be a reliable friend that shows up when I'm mad or sad, even if I'm mad or sad at you. Life is work. Life is evolving and changing. And I'm so happy to have these lovelies to do it with.
In the words of LB, Thank you friends. Thank you so much.