That's the thing with grief. It sneaks up on you. It sneaks and then it hurts. It burns. It takes all the forward progress you have made and stops you in your tracks. It takes you back to the reality of the loss. The reality that he isn't here anymore. The reality that the only person who had the capacity to understand my pain is gone. It sneaks and it hurts. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. It hurts. Tonight I finished my Dawson's Creek marathon. 6 seasons, roughly 4 weeks. It's disgusting that I actually watched it all. The ending of course slayed me that they killed Jen off (spoiler alert). Once I saw them all get their chances to say goodbye to her in a neat little package I lost it. I am angry. I am angry that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Trent. I am angry that he was taken from me in the way that he was. And mostly, I am so sad. (I am happy however, that Joey ended up with Pacey--she should have let him stay in Capeside, but alas, they are in New York.).
I also realize that part of my escape from reality (the show) is now gone and that I must get about the business of finishing this semester. That also makes me sad.
So you sneaky grief bastard. I know you are there. I feel you alright. Now please, just let me sleep.