Grief: Tonight Lb and some of our favorite couple friends went to go see Flight.. the new Denzel flick. While it was an okay movie, it really hit a nerve with me at a couple of points. First, there was a funeral scene and one of the people said, "She looks so good, I just wanted her to wake up." That is exactly what I have said to LB after I got back from Trenton's funeral. That one stung. I am just left wondering, when does it stop hurting like this? I think about him all the time and miss him. I miss knowing that he was out in the world for me to reach out to if the time was ever right. I miss knowing that there was someone who had lived my experience with me. And then I feel stupid for missing someone I stopped knowing when he was 19. But, he is my brother and I miss him.
The rest of the movie was mostly about Denzel's struggle with alcoholism. The movie did a phenomenal job with showing the pull of addiction, but really was difficult to see him throw away everything because of his drinking. I also love the AA/NA meetings scenes. I have been thinking lately of going to an al-anon or narcotics anonymous meeting... whichever one is the one that is the support group for families. I feel like I understand addiction on a more tangential level and know some of the symptoms, but would like to have a whole picture... for my own reflections and for any addiction stuff that may come into my life down the road... We all have addictions at some level. I am addicted to perfection and TV. In that order. :) I have friends now and will have in friends in the future that will struggle with some sort of addiction: keeping up with the Jones family, always having FOMO (fear of missing out), always needing the latest and greatest X thinking it will make them happy, judging oneself or others, never being satisfied, and one of my personal favorites... the addiction to the story. Addicted to the story we tell ourselves and others about ourselves. Letting go of the story is SO hard to do because it is how we have been taught to show up for other people.