Well, it's here: my last year of law school. To commemorate this last ever first day of school I have gone to the doctor to get check ups, bought "Things I wish I'd Known Before We Got Married" by Gary Chapman, and got a therapist appointment lined up and ready to go. I also started by biking to school for my first day of classes and bought a 10 pack of yoga classes so that I can start going to yoga more regularly. Today I also gave our friend Chris who sells diamonds a down payment for my engagement ring. It is interesting that I feel completely normal about paying for some of my engagement ring. Call it a modern twist or whatever you would like, but the truth is that LB and I's lives are totally intertwined so why should he have to continue to pay for all of our bills and also come up with the money for a ring on his own. A part of me actually views this arrangement as a little more romantic that the traditional. It feels thoughtful, adult, and just real. It also, just feels like "us." Today I was at Anna's house having one of our marathon chats about life, marriage, faith, and men. I don't think she realizes how much these chats feed my soul and make me feel better about who I am and what I have to offer the world. I was complaining about LB's OCD cleanliness and at one point she goes, "Don't you just sometimes think it would be easier to be on your own?" She didn't ask it with malice or with a presupposed answer. My joking answer was, "yes." Yes because relationships are work. You are just going to have the same fight over and over and over. You are never going to change the other person. You are never going to have a marriage like in the movies (those people are almost never married BTW, but are in the infatuation stage). And yet.
And yet... LB is my best friend. I still get excited to see him everyday (even if it is to bite his head off a little bit)! I just think he is adorable. I think he is funny. I know that he has the best heart. I know that he loves me and would, as Anna said today, never give up on me. Ever. We have already been through so much together that I can't imagine us facing anything that we would not be able to get through. And that is why I stay. I stay through the fights and disagreements and lack of money and little annoyances because he is my person.