This morning... I did this to the truck.
And I lost it. I sobbed like a little baby and called LB with shaking hands and a quivering voice. My first thought, "LB is gonna kill me." My second, "How could you be so stupid?" So, I am having a really bad day 2 weeks before my wedding. Whatever this repair bill is going to cost... well, we don't have it. And beyond the money, we don't have the time. I don't have the time. I am embarassed, and ashamed that I thought this annoyingly huge truck could make that sharp of a left turn in a parking garage. I even stopped and thought... hmmm this might not fit. But because THAT parking garage is only $8 a day and not $18, I forged ahead and into the wall. The literal and figurative one.
I cried telling LB. I cried when he texted me saying it wasn't a huge deal and we would figure it out and he loves me. I cried when I got one emailed estimate back of "between $2000 and $4000." I cried when I realized I have to leave work early to go to the orthodontist to get my braces tightened and that will leave me roughly 2 hours to run around like a crazy person trying to get more quotes on how much this is going to cost me.
I have hit my wall people. I can't stress about LB getting his list done for the wedding, or about this blog, or about work, or about anything else right now. I am THERE. You know, THAT place. The place where all your dark thoughts about yourself hang out? Yup, I have just unpacked my bags in THAT place and am hanging out there for a while it seems. The only other recent times that I have like this are: 1. When my brother died. 2. When I was 2 weeks away from the bar exam.
I am so mad at myself. I have hit my wall. My limits are exhausted. This sucks. And sometimes there is nothing more poetic or true than saying, "Yup. This sucks."